When we think of the word ‘Divorce’ it rightly conjures up feelings of hurt, pain and all sorts of difficult emotions that most of us would prefer not to ever have to experience. The idea that you could survive your divorce in style probably sounds too good to be true but thanks to my day job as a divorce lawyer, I have seen that it can be done.
Falling in love is fun, exciting and romantic. It is all the things we dream of and romance novels are made of. And then there is falling out of love- it is just the opposite. The end of a significant relationship will bring with it fear, grief and sadness and a range of other emotions that can turn even the most controlled person into a crazy person. Chances are, you will find yourself moving from being a calm, rational and seemingly unaffected version of yourself, to overwhelmed, angry, teary and inconsolable and back again, all in the space of an hour!
Each day I am privileged to work with people who do their best to work their way through the challenges that divorce throws their way in style and this is what they have shown me-
1. Patience is the key-
When it comes to broken hearts, betrayal, mistrust and pain having patience is no easy feat! But to survive divorce with a sense of dignity and style you will need to be patient with yourself and your former partner. A quick solution is not often the best solution and when it comes to working your way through all that a divorce will throw at you, it will and should take some time.
The grief we experience on the breakdown of a relationship will impact our ability to think clearly and make good decisions about the future. Taking your time, slowing down and being patient is a good way to ensure you are giving yourself the space needed to make the best possible decisions during these tough times.
2. Keeping a positive attitude-
When life throws us curveballs it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that everything and everyone is against us. This is where a positive attitude is key. If you can train your brain to see the good in moments, even when everything feels terrible, you are giving yourself the best chance of coming out the other side of your divorce in a better place than where you began.
Make the time each day to remind yourself about the great bits of ‘you’! Write them down, stick them on the fridge- whatever it takes. You may have made some mistakes (who hasn’t) the trick is to learn from them. You need to slow down, take each day at a time and throw in a few silver linings to get yourself through. Make sure you give yourself something small each day to look forward to- a walk outside, a nice cup of tea or a warm bath. Just take it one day at a time and don’t try and plan too far ahead. Be kind, keep things simple and remember it will get easier with time but maintaining a positive attitude will be key.
3. Find some good distractions-
No one ever found divorce enjoyable so it is essential to find a few things to fill your days that can help to distract you from all the hard stuff you are going through. Distractions can come in many forms- some are positive and many are negative. It is the positive distractions I am encouraging you to fill your days with- good friends, great food, hobbies, passions and family to name a few.
Divorce means change- some of it good and much of it unwanted but if you can take this opportunity to take hold of the reigns and add a few positive distractions into your life, you have the best chance of surviving in style.
Relationships make and break our lives- they are by far the most significant aspect of life and it is therefore no wonder that when they come to an end we feel broken. Heartbreak is so very hard to manage, but like most difficult moments in life- it will be what you make of it. Give yourself time, slow down and look for the silver linings and before you know it the next of your life’s adventures will have come.
Divorce won’t be easy, there will be many ups and downs but with some patience, the right attitude and a few distractions along the way, you can survive it with style.
Clarissa Rayward is a Divorce Lawyer and the Owner of Brisbane Family Law Centre. over the past 14 years, Clarissa has worked with over 2000 families during separation and divorce. She specialises in assisting her clients to experience a dignified divorce- staying away from the Court process and finding sustainable agreements for the future.
If you or someone you know needs assistance during divorce you can organise a complimentary 15 minute phone appointment with Clarissa or one of her team here.Book your complimentary chat with Clarissa here